Digimon Frontier Hell Collection
by Ukaisha
Summary: Have you ever read a terrible Digimon fanfic? One where the characters are so twisted OOC they're unrecognizeable or a mary-sue OC steals the main character's love interest? This is all of those stories put together in one sickening glob. Crack abounds.


**Disclaimer:** The author takes absolutely no stake or claim on any characters mentioned, even if they are imaginary.  
**Warning:** Mild language. If you have an OC that has traveled into any type of anime universe or you have ever written a fanfic before and you are thin-skinned, you should probably not concern yourself with this story. No parodies in this fic are purposely directed at any specific person, so if you recognize traits of your own OC in here, I didn't copy you…but take a hint.

**A/N:** After reading "My Immortal" (that fic is so broken…) and "The Human Whose Name is Written in this Fanfiction" (that fic is so epic…) I decided I wanted to do some kind of random crack fic parodying cliché and over-used concepts in the Digimon fandom, and so spawned this.  
I was just going to mock a few specific genres frequently (like really, really frequently) seen in Digimon fanfiction, namely Digimon Frontier. Each chapter will concern a different parody. Keep in mind that this story isn't meant to be seriously considered a story; it's namely for humor purposes.

Requests are welcome; praise, critique, and flames are also welcome.

Kouji's [plethora of] New Girlfriend(s) [and/or Siblings.]

Plot Summary_: Kouji and the rest of the gang are still trapped in the Digital world, but then a mysterious boy/girl/both appears and changes everything! Could it be love? Kouji x OC orgy._

One sunshiny day, the gang was walking aimlessly in the Digital World or something. They were all still trying to find the Forest Terminal but were still very far away from it, so nothing was happening, allowing an OC plot device to make an almost unexpected appearance. Kouji was the first to notice, since in most all fanfiction he's written as not only the voice of reason but also the only one in the group with a brain in his head at all.

"Did you guys hear something?" he asked, sounding far too concerned for his own good.  
"No, none of us have hearing as good as you do," said generically written Takuya. Inevitably he would at some point end up making himself look like an idiot, but for now he was just a mouthpiece.  
"Yeah, there's like some kind of symbolic connection between the fact that you have wolf spirits, so you must have godly hearing. And also amazing scent powers," said Junpei, who more or less never does anything in fanfiction but talk because for some inexplicable reason, no one likes him.  
"Yes on the scent powers; it's really hard walking around in a group of kids who never seems to bathe…"  
"I think we should go check it out," said Takuya, stereotypically always rushing into things before thinking it through, like all other goggleheads in this series.  
"No Takuya! What if it's a trap?" Kouji growled, because he IS possessed by wolf spirits, so he frequently gets his point across by making animalistic noises.  
"I agree with Takuya-onii-chan," said Tomoki, "because my character essentially never does anything else but agree with him."  
Izumi is really not going to have any lines or any importance in this story at all unless she eventually gets with Takuya, because the fangirls are too protective of the fact that she totally hits on Kouji, and so they hate her with a passion. Bitch.

Just then they all heard a loud, piercing scream. It sounded like a damsel in distress, and because Kouji acts as a deus ex machina more often than not and inevitably ends up being the hero, he forgets everything to save the stranger.  
"We have to go do something!"  
"Wait…weren't you just freaking out about it possibly being a trap?" asked Takuya, sounding entirely too confused about what was going on.  
"This is a fanfic! There is no continuity! Someone is apparently in danger and I must break character and recklessly rush in to save them!"

Kouji recklessly rushed in to save them, evolving to Wolfmon and pulling out his deadly light swords. Just as he reached a clearing in the forest, he saw a girl lying on the ground, appearing to be unconscious. Even unconscious she was beautiful, with long black hair and amethyst eyes (that we could somehow see even though they were closed) and incredibly pale skin. She was wearing blue skinny jeans and a skimpy leather halter top, and beside her hand was an unused D-scanner colored black and purple. For some inexplicable reason, Kouji was instantly in love.  
He was so distracted by the appearance of the girl that he didn't notice that Grottomon was standing right in front of him, his hammer at the ready.  
"So you think you can save her you stupid human?" he sneered.  
"Grottomon!" he yelled, in case the reader hadn't caught on that it was the warrior of Earth talking. "I'll defeat you by myself if I have to! Licht Kugel!" He fired a huge ball of light from his laser and hit Grottomon smack on; despite the fact that Grottomon was repeatedly shown to be stronger than all five legendary warriors at once he is somehow sufficiently frightened by this attack, and he begins digging into the earth to retreat.  
"You win this time, but I'll be back to destroy you!" he says, just as the other kids arrive on the scene, far too late to be of any real use.

The girl on the ground begins to stir, and Kouji immediately de-evolves, rushing to her side.  
"Who's that?" asks Junpei, who is still little more than a mouthpiece to deliver needed dialogue.  
"Could it be that there are other humans in this world?" Izumi gasped, more shocked about having a line rather than meeting a new human.  
"Duh, didn't like a few hundred kids get on all those trains?" Kouji growled back at her.  
"Yeah Izumi; we can't be the only five kids who made it to this world," Takuya said as he rolled his eyes, grateful to be in a fanfic where someone else is portrayed as stupid for once.  
"I agree with Takuya-onii-chan." I shouldn't have to clarify the speaker here.  
"My character is only good for providing much needed dialogue and standing up for Izumi-chan!" Here neither.

The girl finally opened her eyes, the amethyst orbs sparkling like diamonds, because it makes sense to compare one gemstone to another. She sat up, looking around in confusion. "Where am I?"  
"You're in the Digital World," Kouji said eagerly. "My name's Kouji. I just saved your life all by myself."  
The girl smiled and faintly blush. "Thank you. My name is Tsukikage Kusabana, but you can call me Tsuki for short."  
"Moon Shadow Flower," Kouji mumbled in awe, in case the reader either isn't familiar with overused Japanese words or doesn't know a crappy translator like freedict. "That's really beautiful."  
"Wait," interrupted Izumi. "Our surnames go before our first names in Japan. So either you should have introduced yourself as Kusbana Tsukikage or your first name is Flower and your last name is Moon Shadow."  
"Just stop talking Izumi," Kouji snapped. "We all inexplicably hate you in this fanfic for some reason!"  
"Yeah, even me, even though I supposedly have a crush on you for the whole season!" shouted Junpei.  
"There's still a chance for me to get with you, right Izumi?" asked Takuya, sounding both dimwitted and desperate. This is basically how Takumi is born in all fanfics, but that's for another chapter.  
"I agree with Takuya-onii-chan."

Kouji returned to Tsuki. "How did you get here?"  
"I don't know; I just sort of appeared and started getting picked on by that terrible monster!" Tears began to fall from her flawless eyes and she covered her face with her pale hands. "I'm very frightened! I need someone to protect me because I can't stick up for myself!"  
Kouji began to look stoic and brave and he said passionately, "Don't worry, I won't let anyone ever hurt you! I'll protect you."  
Tsuki kawaiily looked at Kouji and blushed again, smiling sweetly. "Domo arigato, Kouji-kun," she said, because random Japanese words need to be thrown in here even when the rest of the story is English. She was such a proper and polite girl; her purity made Kouji uncharacteristically blush.  
"What's this?" she asked, picking up the D-scanner lying beside her.  
"It's a Digivice. You must be a legendary warrior!"  
"Really? Oh, but I probably won't be very good!" she wailed in shame. "I'll probably still be so weak I need rescuing all the time!"  
"Don't worry," the puppet called Kouji said gently. "I'm sure you'll make an amazing warrior."

Just as Kouji and Tsuki smiled at each other again, there was another scream, this time an angry voice shouting "NOOOO!" Everyone looked up to see a girl leaping down from the trees and landing gracefully on her feet. She was beautiful, with snow white hair and ice blue eyes and skin so pale it seemed covered with frost. She was holding out a D-scanner that was pure white with a tint of light blue, and she'd just shed herself of a snow white cloak, revealing tiny white shorts and a light blue baby doll top. Kouji immediately forgot about Tsuki and fell in love with her instead. Love is indeed a fickle thing, but this time he knew it was real; he loved…whatever the new girl's name was.  
"You can't have Kouji-kun! He belongs to me!" she said with a snarl.  
"What the hell?" said Takuya from the rest of the group who was more or less just standing around doing nothing at all at this point. "Kouji has ANOTHER girlfriend who wants him? Why is he so damn popular?"  
"No, Kouji-kun you promised to protect me!" Tsuki grabbed hold of him, but he pushed her away and ran to the new girl. Tsuki's eyes began to glow and she gripped her D-scanner.

"Hi, what's your name?" he asked.  
"Angelienia Olinevia Snowfyre, but you can call me Angel," she said with a bat of her eyelashes. "I'm a legendary warrior too, and I'm your other half!"  
"My other half," Kouji requested a definition. Has anybody else ever noticed when people clarify the speaker like this? It's really annoying and makes no sense.  
"Yeah, all legendary warriors have a male and female counterpart. I'm the FEMALE Legendary Warrior of Light!"  
"Wow, that makes a great deal of sense and obviously we're destined to be together!"  
"Yeah, and I've already got my Beast Spirit and everything, so I'll be way more useful on your quest than her!"  
"It sounds like it. Do you want to come with us?"  
"Not so fast, you bitch!" Everyone turned to Tsuki again, who had suddenly shed her meek and useless exterior. "You can't just come in and steal my boyfriend away from me!" All of a sudden both of her spirits can flying out of no where and were absorbed by her D-Scanner. "You'll have to fight me for him!"  
"Bring it on!" Angel snarled, and she held up her own D-Scanner, instigating her own evolution.

In Tsuki's place there was suddenly a beautiful woman with shining amethyst hair, decked out in black armor that made her look like a fox, with violet tribal markings. She had big silver claws on each of her hands and ninja stars attached to a thick leather belt. "Kitsunemon, warrior of Darkness!"

Angel suddenly became a beautiful woman with platinum blonde hair, and two feathery white wings sprouted from her back. She wore a skimpy white bikini with a white cloak and a blue scarf was wrapped around her neck, and a bow attached to a quiver of arrows was on her back. "Tenshimon, female warrior of Light!"

"Wow, what are the odds that Tsuki would find both of her spirits with almost no effort?" said Junpei.  
"She's amazing! Are you saying she's not good enough?" Kouji growled, suddenly in love with Tsuki again. True love tends to bounce around like that. And why wouldn't it? Tsuki and Angel were both equally beautiful, and true love is always based on aesthetics and never personality or anything like that.  
"No, it's just it took you like thirteen episodes to find your beast spirit and she just basically pulled hers out of her ass…"  
"I agree with Takuya-onii-chan."  
"Wait, but I haven't said anything yet."  
"Oh. Then… make a comment so I can agree with it."

"You'll never have Kouji-kun!" Angel cried, opting to slide evolve to gain an advantage over her opponent. "Tenshimon Slide Evolve: Gabriellemon!" She became a snowy white wolf with six angel wings and a long flowing tail.  
"Kitsunemon Slide Evolve: MoonKyubimon!" She became a huge black nine-tailed fox with purple fire on her feet and a big black shuriken on her back.  
They were about to have at it, but then all of a sudden: "HANG ON A MOMENT!"

All of a sudden another girl appeared. She had amber-colored hair with one magenta eye and one violet eye, and she was perfectly tanned all over, and she was wearing-  
"What the hell? Another one?" Kouji was at first tempted to fall in love with this new unnamed girl, but an ounce of canon personality showed through, and he instead chose to be annoyed and confused. "Where are you people coming from?"  
"My name is Aelita Ferax Tanya Nonokiyama; you can call me Aelita. I'm also a legendary warrior; I claim the spirits of Love!"  
The sheer nonsensical existence of this new girl finally broke Kouji from the possession of fanfiction; he smacked his forehead and said in disbelief, "And you're in love with me, right?"  
"Yes, and you know me from your childhood! We were best friends when we were young, but your father made you move away and we had to leave each other. You said we'd be together again one day! I've loved you my whole life!  
"Wait a minute," Angel growled. She's also a wolf now, so she also gets her point across by making animalistic noises. "No one even knows who you are. You can't just pop out of no where and say Kouji-kun loves you."  
"Yeah, and your name isn't even sufficiently cool enough," yelled Tsuki. "What the hell kind of names are 'Ferax' and 'Tanya?' That's stupid!"  
"Shut up! I have heterochromia and that automatically makes me cool!" She somehow summoned her spirits out of no where and also spirit evolved: "Spirit Evolution…Toramon!" She became a beautiful female warrior with a helmet reminiscent of a tiger's head and pink armor with dark purple tiger stripes. She had a staff in her hands and a scarf like Wolfmon's, except with tiger stripes. "Oops, wait, you guys are in your beast spirits…Toramon slide evolve: Lynxmon!" She became a large purple tiger with-

"Wait a second, isn't there already a canon Lynxmon?" asked Izumi.  
"Shut up you whore!" all three of the girls yelled in unison.  
"I MEANT to say SPHINXmon," Aelita corrected impatiently.  
"Isn't there already a-"

Before Izumi could finish attempting to separate fact from fiction, another girl suddenly appeared; this one looked exactly like Kouji, only in female form.  
"My name is Minamoto Karasu," she announced. "Call me Kara for short." Kouji, who had this point ceased caring about the appearance of more random girls, asked without interest,  
"And who are you?"  
"I'm your long-lost twin sister, Kouji!"  
"Really now?"  
"Our parents couldn't afford to keep us so they sent me to live with a monk deep in the mountains-"  
"Why exactly do you look exactly like me? We must be fraternal if you're my sister; you should look a little different."  
"Onii-chan, I've missed you so much!" she cried, running and hugging him. "I…I'm ashamed to say it, but I'm in love with you, Onii-chan!"  
"I think we should all just walk away," Takuya suggested to the rest of the group. "We should just walk away, very slowly…"  
"I agree with Takuya-onii-chan. A lot. And not because it's just Takuya. Please get me out of here."

"Let me get this straight," Kouji said slowly while Aelita, Tsuki, and Angel continued to fight. "You're my twin sister who's in love with me? Isn't that just a little messed up?"  
"Hey, how it is any more messed up than KouKou?"  
"What's KouKou…?" he began to ask, but he was interrupted by the sound of another girl coming out of nowhere.  
"Stop molesting Otou-san!" she screamed, and she pulled Karasu off of Kouji.  
"Otou-san? Who the hell are you calling Otou-san?"  
The girl before him also looked exactly like him, only in female form. "My name's Minamoto Hikariko. I'm your daughter!"  
"My what?!"  
"Yes, walk away very slowly…"  
"You're not his daughter!" Another girl popped out of nowhere. She had raven black hair and shining emerald green eyes with specks of sapphire blue and, well, etc etc.  
"Who says?!" shouted Hikariko.  
"I'm Kouji's future wife, Sakura, and we have twin sons together!"  
"But you're all my age?!"

At this point more and more random girls were inexplicably popping out of no where; all of them were painstakingly beautiful and most of them were long-lost Legendary Warriors; there were at least twelve with the spirit of Love alone. Every single one of them wanted Kouji for herself.  
Then more family members began to appear: "I'm your long-lost cousin! Don't worry I'm not here for you; I'm actually here for Takuya."  
"Score!" shouted the brunet with a fist pump in the air.  
"I'm actually your long-lost older sister; our parents loved you but were really abusive to me, so I got sent away-"  
"I'm another long-lost cousin, but when I met you I didn't know that and fell in love with you! The taboo of our relationship is so dramatic!"

In some way or another, everyone related to Kouji ended up being in love with him too.

Then finally, the final straw that broke the camel's back appeared.

Kouji was still watching a battle of epic proportions take place between two or three dozen of his love interests; most of them wolves or dogs, tigers or cats in general or foxes of some shape or another. He was slowly losing patience with the whole bother, slowly growing more and more disgusted with all of the insane, fangirlish creatures that spawned by the dozens and all confessed love or relation to him. If one more mary-sue appeared, just one more…

And speak of the devil, it did appear, in the form of a male this time.

Kouji almost didn't want to ask when he saw him appear. He looked identical to him and was exactly his age, and he was holding a black and gray digivice. He looked pretty freaked out by the plethora of girls running around, screaming and squealing and proclaiming everlasting love for Kouji.  
Finally he asked, "And who are you?"  
The boy nervously twiddled his fingers as eight or nine of his fangirls gave him a wicked glare, silently daring him to keep the hell away from their Kouji-kun. "My name's Kimura Kouichi," he said quietly, barely above a whisper. "I'm, um…I'm your long-lost twin brother." Kouji began pounding his head on the tree he was standing next to. "Our parents divorced when we were really young and they separated us-"  
"I'm so sick of this."  
"I don't remember how I got here, but I think I've inherited the spirits of Darkness-"  
"I am really, REALLY SICK OF THIS." Kouji shouted, and every terrible OC stopped to look at him. "Everyone OUT. Everyone get the hell out of the Digital World! GTFO!"  
Kouichi looked abashed. "But Kouji, I really am-" His pleas were lost amongst the sighs and groans of dismay from Kouji's enormous fangirl base; squeals and cries and vows of eternal love were being broadcast from every direction.  
"GO AWAY ALREADY. All of you SUCK, okay?! None of you is interesting or original or anything! NOBODY LIKES YOU PEOPLE. We DON'T need your insertion into the story to have an interesting adventure, and especially not from any of you because NONE of you is interesting and NONE of you act as a worthwhile addition to the plot! GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS FANFIC AND GET THE HELL OFF OF THIS WEBSITE."

One by one the OCs began disappearing, each with a wail of agony over losing their one true love. Kouji had turned his back on all of them, and was returning to the rest of the group, who had thus far just stood around and watched everything take place with really no participation of their own.  
"Kouji!" Kouichi cried, grabbing his arm to halt him. "I don't know what's going on, but I swear, I really am your twin-"  
"Get the hell away from me okay?! I don't need anymore long-lost twins, or sudden love interests, or abrupt changes in personality! Just get the hell out of this story and go find yourself some other imaginary character to be a brother to!"  
Kouichi was stunned, but he let Kouji go. "Little brother, please, I really am-"

But Kouji just walked away again, and his utter rejection sent Kouichi spiraling into rampant depression, which eventually led to his inheritance of Duskmon's evil spirit. Little did Kouji know that like Hikari, Ken, and Ryo from the past seasons, Kouichi was a canon OC, whose insertion was blatantly mary-sueish but entirely intentional.

"I can't believe how incredibly useless we were during all of that," Takuya said, sounding inexplicably angry. "And I can't believe you had all those girls fighting over you Kouji; you're not even that good looking!"  
Kouji looked sufficiently emo and distraught, putting on his best "I'm a hero suffering on the inside" face. This was why everyone inexplicably loved Kouji; he was cool and ruthless and incredibly bishi. "I guess I'll never find true love…"  
"Hey Kouji," Izumi began, looking anxiously beyond Kouji for Kouichi. "I'm pretty sure that last one was _actually_ your brother…"  
"You're stupid Izumi," Kouji growled. "We all still inexplicably hate you."  
"Yeah Izumi, don't be a baka!"  
"I agree with Takuya-onii-chan."  
Junpei didn't get a line, because everyone has some sort of unspoken hatred for Junpei as well.

"Hey Kouji," Takuya said after they all started walking towards the Forest Terminal. "Does it ever occur to you that maybe you were pretty sue-ish in the beginning too?"  
"What do you mean?" growled Kouji again.  
"Well, originally it was just us four. Then you appear as a deus ex machina twice, and you obtain the wolf spirits of Light. Also you're intolerably sexy and gorgeous and also cool as hell without doing anything; you have long black hair and cobalt blue eyes with pale skin, and you also-"  
"Shut up, Takuya. Just shut up."


End file.
